1 - 7 Sep 2025

01/09/2025

Sourdough with kaya, soft boil eggs and long forgotten sausage for brunch before heading out.

Had Cry Baby with me, I hooked it on my jeans instead of bag.

The job agent told me to take a look at Skin Ceutical's outlet at BHG.  Upon reaching, only to find out the outlet was pulled out, felt scammed, wasted my time.

Bought salad from Paris Baguette for dinner, for S$11, portion was impossible finish.

Gave my offer, but the reply was vague.  It's still a fantasy till concrete things are done.  I wasn't really bothered.  Currently more gan jiong to get a job more than anything else...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

02/09/2025

Had the leftover salad for brunch.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

03/09/2025

I covered my ash green with brown color hair wax.

Interview at Loreal.  All went well till I found out they wanted the role to be located in VivoCity (it's so far from home).  I low-key declined.  While walking to the train station, regretted, walked back to their office wanting to grab the role.  Didn't manage to see the manager, no news since 2 days passed.

No job how to divorce, urrrggg...  Couldn't believe I screwed up and let it slipped off... maybe it's not meant to be.

I guess I would never see this view from their 47th storey again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

04/09/2025

Went to visit my niece, love the cold bus ride with ear plugs with blasting GD/BigBang.

I shall stop crying, cos nobody is dead.  I am humorous, fun loving and beautiful I deserve a better man. If there's isn't, this is gonna be the best time to enjoy being single.  I am letting go cos I am tired of being the one initiating.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

05/09/2025

Smoked salmon + avocado + sourdough + scrambled eggs + banana with chocolate + the last of cheese hot dog

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

07/09/2025

I dreamt that I injured my face with a lot of blood, everybody pretended not to see, nobody's going hospital with me.

23 - 30 Aug 2025

23/08/2025

Had gathering with 2 young friends.  They were very concern, so I briefly told them my story.  For once, talking about my tragic became a comedian.

  They have mini struggles with work and marriage life too.

My tummy hurt from laughing so hard.

Adjusting myself, pulling myself out of depression.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

25/08/2025

Peter's colleague went Korea and brought this for me, it was so sweet of her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

27/08/2025

I now know why people likes Cry Baby, at least there's a plush shedding tears on our behalf and gives the empathy we need...

Made a quick trip to JB to fix my hay.   I was actually waiting for a job opportunity which allows bleach hair, nothing knocks but my hair was beyond messy.

Covering the blonde was easy but covering the turqoise left me with very little choices, the stylist suggested ash green.

This was LUXE Hair Salon in City Sq JB by the way.

Initially was sad to end my blonde, but the ash green turned out really cool.

It's not the cheapest salon in JB but never fails.  Color on bleached hair is very fun, it changes color at every wash!  Now it's lighter and looked more grey.

Had early dinner.

Everything for S$18+ only!  The broth wasn't fantastic, but the portion was huge and the pork was yummy.

Left around 5.30pm with traffic jam.

Took a private bus, charged RM3.  There was something sharp below the seat and cut me on my leg urrrggg....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

28/08/2025

After MIA for almost a week, Yo msg me but I wasn't in a mood.

My half year stock of arthritis medicine, it's a whooping S$114+ which I pay myself.

Way before, ex said he wouldn't pay for my medical as it was none of his business.  No biggie actually, precisely why I don't need such husband any more since I can pay everything myself.

At this point of time, I think it's cruel and inhumane for people to tell me forgive, endure and keep the marriage.  Yet nobody tell him what a scumbag he is.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

29/08/2025

Had lunch with Luis.

Bought a loaf of sourdough and some food for mornings/noon.  Still jobless but thanks to CDC vouchers, should be able to survive through without digging into my savings.

Darren back from school, was talking to me and then he fell straight asleep on my bed lolxx...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

30/08/2025

Told Yo to stay safe, haiz...

Darren dragged me out at 10pm, he ran I brisk walked.

Neither of us lost weight haahaahaa...

16 - 22 Aug 2025

16/08/2025

Got a one day job, registration crew for event at Dunman High School, lobang from son.  I was so late that I had to Grab when I reach Mountbatten Station.

Job requirement tech savy, but actually a 3yo also could do.  Paid 7hrs but real time at work was about 3.5hrs only.

Lunch provided.

But not the most appetizing.

We even had to debate what sauce was on the fried dory as it was tasteless.

A pretty corner of the school.

Then the back door of the school was closed.  Walked 1km back to Mountbatten Station.  The weather was very warm and horribly humid as per normal.

Took a good look at Geylang River with a big smile, cos I earned a 100 bucks.

I msg Yo about my day, didn't reply, I think I am losing this person...

Sons' father bought me steam fish for dinner.

That was his best effort, but it was still unforgiveable without an apology.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

17/08/2025

Love this, it's so flora fresh yet strong.  I am sure I will get another bottle after this.

Went interview for a role of Live stream assistant.  Something that allowed my hair to be as it was.  Took the wrong bus ended further away, had to Grab, it was a slit throat of S$15 for 4mins ride.

Selfie in the lift of King's Center after the interview.

The place offered me the job.  But something was just not right, I should be happy but I wasn't.

The next thing I knew, I was stranded in a bus stop.  I msg Yo again, told myself it would be the last.  I lowered myself so much for that little bit of attention.

By the time bus came, haiz...

Meanwhile I managed to find a faster way to reach my new job place.

Yo didn't even look at my msg, felt as if I lost my last ray of light.  But no energy to cry...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

18/08/2025

As if it's not bad enough, the company decided to chose another candidate after me, hur hur...  So I knew it behind my mind.

I send Yo my last massage with all my blessings... soaking in my own soap opera, then suddenly replied.  I was so happy that I cried.

Too much roller coaster not good for my blood pressure.  Suddenly there was a button which I pressed on and started my 2.4km brisk walking around Poi Ching School.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

19/08/2025

Demon Slayer + dinner with kids (one day salary gone lolxx...)

XW grill at Century Sq.

After dinner, I persisted the 2.4km brisk walk on this windy night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

20/08/2025

Since I didn't get a job, I might as well have local holiday, with Yo.  I send a msg to ask Yo to fly over... no read no reply.

Visit my niece, baby sis and I bought her tulips.  She's having 2 or 3 months MC after knee surgery., heart pain...

Kid sis friend was so nice, she cooked and brought over a big tub of noodles for us.

We shared about our marriage horror stories, cried a bucket, I was really depressed.  I appreciated her kindness, though it leaded to her religion.  She was suggesting marriage counselling.  I was thinking about it...

Later part of the evening still no read no reply, I changed my mind and deleted the msg...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

22/08/2025

Had a online job interview.  The pay was good enough to make me part with my blonde hair.

Not that I didn't want to work, some body, any body got to give me a chance right?  Everything sounded promising but will I get it?

My heart throb, this boyfriend seemed to be the only who can stop me from dying.

Sons' father placed Chan Brothers itinerary to ChongQing on my laptop, left written single sentence to ask me to go with him.  His way of trying to reconcile but of course I had to turn down.  I agreed to go for the counselling.  Hope to end this drama ASAP.

2 - 15 Aug 2025

02/08/2025

Sons all went out.  We had a talk.  Just to find out the reason why he never apologize - he said he never do wrong.  His point of view was that I was a trouble maker.  Money was all he talked about, I suddenly realized he was afraid that I was running after his money.  He forgotten that I used to earn more than him.  If I am a money digger, I marry him a pauper?

Now my only wish in life is to divorce him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

03/08/2025

Bought by Darren and I have been drinking this on alternate days.  I hate the taste but my bowels is saved.  To the extend that I am almost free from medication.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

04/08/2025

Last night I dreamt in the morning (didn't manage to get proper sleep at night):

Was river watching with my husband.  The water level was rising very quickly, so we had to leave.  As usual, he was much faster than me, I couldn't catch up with him and finally lost the sight of him in a school.  I looked for him around the school, outside the school, in the carpark.  I ran into a few men that looked like him.  I tried to call or massage him, but my phone wouldn't work...

I lost him in both the dream and reality...

伤心归伤心，still had to eat.

Last packet of Sydney pasta.

Rainbow Day-G seemed to be telling me there's hope in life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

06/08/2025

I dreamt of ex-husband again.  He walked towards me slowly with a painful expression.  Heart pain was for real, and he got closer, I saw so much redness and wounds on his body, he collapsed onto me, I woke up with tears.

Did I hurt him?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

07/08/2025

It says online that it take someone to miss me so much that he is able to come into my dream.  He is so heartless and selfish, miss me for what?  I don't know why I had to cry again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

08/08/2025

Haiz... no energy to cry already.  God is trying to save my pocket, one day I will get my Zoa.

I fell forward outside the toilet, banged on my right knee and elbow.  Thank god for watching over me, didn't hit my head.

It was so painful that I started laughing, cos all the emo-ness was instantly transferred to my knee and elbow.

But at night I was crying again.  Saw this phrase online:

分手不代表感情结束，是感情的另一个方式。 I had to close the door and cried again.  That dragon didn't even know I miss him so much...

So I had a painful day, physically and emotionally. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

10/08/2025

Since separation under the same roof, I stopped buying groceries, trying to save every dollar till I get a job.  Good thing that the house has abundance of almost everything.   I still get to drink Starbucks but it was bitter, haiz...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

12/08/2025

Meet up with Vivian over dinner.

She wasn't happy with her job, it was a bitchy environment.  So she is joining me in "jobless group".  Back in China, her 90yo mother fell down, broke her leg.  She had her set of problem to solve.  But she said I am in a worst plight lolxx...  I never expect myself to be in this plight either hur hur hur haiz...

Shu Liu Xiang 蜀留香，inexpensive, hidden gem behind busy NorthPoint Mall.

My rare occasion eating with a friend, she is such nice person, hope to make my effort to be closely in touch with her.

Some sweet glazed potato which was so yummy. 

Mild spicy fish was good too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 13/08/2025

It's sad that my sis rejected my help with her shifting house.  I know she always felt obligated to look after me whenever I was in UAE (she's never convinced that I can take care of myself lolxx...).  

Anyways, not a bad thing, I continue with my job hunting though all my resumes sunk.  Demoralizing, no help and no hope at the moment.  The least I can do now is to stay alive.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

14/08/2025

I had thought of working in a cruise ship but I may not be good for the physical demand.  Thought of working in Dubai or Sydney, just my wishful thoughts, can't bare to dump my father solely to my kid sis...

I opened up the can of horse meat to put into fried rice.  It tasted like beef, not a fan, our first and last try.

I had this palm size big fat Pingu sat beside my PC for quite a few days.

But it was only this day I realized a tear drop on it's right cheek.  Looked so pitiful that I teared also, haiz... sign of depression I know, whatever...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

15/08/2025

Couldn't sleep well these few nights, having headaches in mornings, trying to break this vicious cycle.  My ex-company's HR could actually message me to ask which are my available work days for Sep.  The manager also created a group chat for work and added me.  I never seen a company running this way in my entire life, never been more glad to resign.

Saw this online, too funny.  如果把你的一生拍成电影，片名会是什么？ A genius came out with this title:

Fml X100 waahaahaa...

Not any better here, the world is so big, but there's no place for me, rentals are so expensive...

I cooked dinner for my sons, their father had a fixed routine of having dinner with colleagues/friends every Tues and Fri.

Mapo tofu from Lee Kim Kee was so saltish.

I must be out of mind to msg him, I just dropped a wave emoji and he replied... my life buoy.

From then, I stopped crying, I am the happiest sinner ever.  I know it's not going last but I don't care.